Kumbaya Much Read online

  Except that she wasn't thinking about Trent right now.

  Suddenly the door opened. Seffy fell onto her backside as a kitchen worker walked into the pantry.

  The woman's wide eyes took in the pile of cans. “What is going on in here?” Apparently happy gas didn't apply to incensed cafeteria ladies. The woman's hairnet bristled with outrage.

  “Um...”

  “There's to be no unauthorized use of the foodstuffs, young lady. You can be sure I'll be reporting you.”

  Seffy got to her feet, prepared to bolt.

  “I'll just be needing your name, miss.”

  “Sorry, can't help you there. My parents never named me.” Seffy slipped past the woman and set out at a run.

  Once she was clear of the cafeteria wing, she headed to Lani's room, where everyone gathered. Lani's welcoming smile nearly undid her. Then again, the brunette was pretty much always welcoming. Addison gave a little wave from where she sat reading a book. Seffy wondered what Addy was thinking, and why she suddenly seemed okay with Gareth's defection—unless Gareth only defected when Seffy was around.

  She took a deep breath and fought back a tendency to get cynical. These were her friends through good and bad—not just when drugs made things bearable.

  Gareth stood up and walked over to her. He took her hand, lacing her fingers with his. “I thought we could have a little alone time tonight.”

  Seffy's heart leapt at his intimate tone. “Oh, okay.”

  He addressed the others. “We're going for a walk. Be back it a bit.”

  Addison sent a distracted wave their way and Lani's eyes were as huge as her smile.

  When they were alone in the hallway, he tugged her close and put his other arm around her. “How are you doing?”

  “Good,” she said breathlessly.

  “I thought we could talk in my room where we won't be interrupted. Will that be okay?”

  Duh. “That'd be great.”

  Seffy's heart pounded as she followed him into the darkened room. Gareth turned on the small nightstand lamp, bathing the space in a golden glow.

  He turned to her. “Do you want to dance?”

  Whoa, that was unexpected. “Um, sure.”

  He opened his arms and Seffy went into his embrace. She looked up at him, half-afraid, half-hopeful.

  Gareth touched her cheek. “I miss your blue eyes.”

  Seffy arched a brow. “You mean my blue contacts?”

  “Yeah. When we get back home, you should get a new pair.” He pulled her close, resting his chin on her head.

  Where did that come from? She stared past his shoulder, struggling against a feeling of dread. After a moment, she suppressed it, and closed her eyes. After all, wasn't this all she ever wanted? This simple affection? This moment in time when reality faded away and sweetness rushed in? Gareth began humming a tune that tickled her memory but she couldn't quite place it.

  When he began singing the lyrics to the song, suddenly Seffy remembered.

  “It occurred in season

  It occurred just the once

  It occurred for all time

  Just for a moment

  A small space in time

  When all dreams are done

  Always have I loved you

  Or so it seems

  One season goes on forever

  One season disrupted

  It stops me in my tracks

  It saps me of my strength

  And then all at once

  It was the last season

  When I'm by myself

  And I want it bad.”

  At the end of the song, Gareth stopped and looked down at her. “Why are you crying?”

  She sniffed and stared at his chest. “Why did you sing that song?” A song about past opportunities long gone. Did he mean anything by it?

  He shrugged. “I don't know. It just came to me.” He took her hand and pulled her over to the bed. Gareth sat up against the headboard and pulled her next to him. He put his arm around her and she leaned into his shoulder.

  As much as she tried, Seffy was unable to stem the slow tide of hot tears down her cheeks. Why couldn't she just enjoy this last moment? Why did she always have to spoil everything?

  She squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a breath. Maybe this was necessary. Maybe this was her only chance to get the truth. She'd been allowing herself to be dazed by drugged Gareth, while tempting Trent with what she wasn't ready to give. It was time to get real with herself.

  “Gareth?” Her voice came out scratchy so she cleared her throat.

  “Yes?”

  Seffy nibbled at her lip, trying to think of the best way to ask. She stared down at his fingers playing with her hand. “Why...why don't you love me anymore?” She tightened her jaw, hoping for one answer, but expecting another.

  After an unbearable moment, he spoke. “I used to love you. So much that it hurt.”

  Seffy caught her breath. Suspecting the worst and hearing it were two very different things. “What changed?”

  “You did.”

  “Was it...when Verity showed up?”

  “Not really. I dated her more as an experiment.”

  She took a deep breath. “When did things change? After we got here?”

  Gareth's hand stilled. She could tell by the stiffness of his shoulder that he didn't want to tell her. But she knew he would. Thanks to the medicated air.

  “I...think it happened when you told me about...”

  Her heart pounded hard for several moments. “The directors?”

  He sighed. “Yes.”

  Seffy swallowed. Her worst fears were confirmed. “You know I didn't want it to happen, right? That they forced themselves on me?”

  “But you could've stopped them.”

  Thankful that her expression was hidden from him, she compressed her lips in anger.

  “It was something I always worried about. I know that you wanted to be pure, but I also knew you would always be bent...that way.”

  She closed her eyes, struggling to gain control of her mounting outrage. “So, what, you think I'm dirty now?”

  Gareth went very still. “I know you're dirty.”

  The low scrape of his voice across her shattered nerves sent her emotions reeling. Her breath came in short bursts. Seffy disentangled herself from his arms and climbed from the bed. She faced him, curling her fists tight. “So why shower all this affection on me? Why the pretense?”

  He looked up at her, his brown eyes inscrutable in the low light. “For the same reason you're here right now. I want to pretend everything's the way it used to be.”

  Gareth's face blurred. She nodded dumbly. He was right.

  He'd always been right.

  Seffy left without saying anything more. Plenty had already been said. She returned to her room, took a hot shower, and collapsed into bed, too soul-weary to cry.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Trent opened his eyes and listened to the stillness. Several hours ago he'd heard Seffy return to her room. She'd had a restless night, some nightmare making her cry out. But she was quiet now. What had he heard?

  He slid from the bed and padded noiselessly down the corridor. Seffy's closet door was cracked. He stiffened when he saw a figure in her room, standing over her bed.

  He'd left the gun under his pillow. Trent's mind raced as he thought through his options. Surprise was the only weapon he had at hand. He slipped through the opening and faced the stranger.

  The man turned at his entrance, the light picking out his features.

  “Fenn!” Trent hissed. “What are you doing here?” He glanced down at Seffy's sleeping form twisted among the sheets.

  “I...was watching her.”

  Fury surged through his body. “Why?”

  Fenn's gaunt features looked bleak. “I just wanted to make sure she's safe.”

  “Yeah, well,” he snapped, “that's kinda my job.”

  Fenn stared at him for a long moment until Trent could disce
rn the blue of his eyes in the darkness. He looked down at Seffy. “I'm not going to let her be hurt anymore. Things are going to change from now on.”

  “Okay, dude, then we're on the same page. Now get out of her room before she wakes up and finds you here.”

  The compound leader reluctantly walked to the main door and twisted the handle. Trent followed him out into the hall.

  “How did you get into her room?”

  Fenn pointed to the door he just exited.

  “So there's no secret way in besides the passageway to my room?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  Trent released a breath. “What are you doing up? You're supposed to be recovering.”

  “I'm feeling a lot better.” Fenn's waxen face and dark-rimmed eyes belied his words. “A lot of things are becoming clear to me and I'm just trying to get my priorities straight.”

  “Your priorities are getting rested up and dealing with your girlfriend so she doesn't go A-bomb on the rest of us.”

  He smiled grimly. “I'll do what I can.”

  “And you're sure today is the last day of the 'air purification'?”

  He nodded, his expression suddenly grave. “Olga told me of reports of...unexpected negative side-effects.”

  “I thought they were just using something like vaporized Valium?”

  “Apparently Fiona included some kind of additives that encouraged...confessions.”

  Trent snorted. “Like sodium pentothal? Are you serious?”

  “I guess it was intended to get information from the unauthorized people they discovered.”

  “And you expect me to believe Fiona's not behind all the other Draconian crap that goes on around here?”

  Fenn looked away. “Like I said, things will be changing.”

  Trent sighed. “Well, ease back into the job. You don't want to relapse.”

  “I'll be staying one more night in the room before I head back to my quarters.”

  Trent nodded and went back into Seffy's room. He locked the door—which obviously was useless in this place.

  The clock on her nightstand said it was three-thirty. He might as well wait until four to make sure she used the gas mask one last time. Trent considered sitting in the chair but then discarded the notion in favor of the more obvious choice. He eased down onto her bed and stretched out next to her.

  He watched her sleep for several minutes, wondering at the tense expression on her face. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she stared at him for a moment before raising herself onto her elbow. “What are you doing here?”

  “It's almost time for the last air treatment. I want to make sure you don't miss it.”

  Seffy sat up and rubbed her face. “I do not want to put that stupid mask on.”

  “You have to. Fenn said there have been some bad side-effects and you shouldn't risk exposure more than you have.”

  Her gaze flew to his. “Right.” She cleared her throat. “Um, would it be possible to go up on to the roof again?”

  “If we hurry.”

  “Let me get dressed in something warm and I'll meet you in your room.”

  Trent sat up. “Okay. Don't take too long.”

  As he left the room, he thought about her reaction to his exposure comment. He'd been thinking about her behavior and had a theory she was somehow playing him. Why, he didn't know. It was just a theory.

  Trent pulled a pair of jeans over his pajama bottoms and yanked a hoody over his head. He shoved his feet into his Vans and looked up as Seffy came through the closet, similarly attired. They headed up to the Light Room in silence. From there, they climbed out onto the roof.

  Trent wrapped a blanket around them and waited for her to snuggle up to him. But she sat stiffly, hard-eyed and silent. Trent put his arm around her and urged her closer. Finally she allowed her head to find the hollow in his shoulder.

  As they watched the freakish sun slowly illuminate the horizon, he was pretty sure Seffy was crying.

  ***

  Seffy was twitchy and out of sorts the rest of the day. Trent had been able to coax her into a nap in the Light Room after waiting out the air treatment. They slept from about five until eight in the morning, except she tossed and turned quite a bit, mumbling in her sleep. Trent only knew she was upset, not what it was about. But he could bet Gareth was involved. Usually after she and her ex had a 'heart-to-heart', it took her a few days to recover.

  He hung out in his room, keeping one ear on her activity. After a time, he no longer heard any movement. Waiting a few minutes more, he decided to check on her.

  Trent was silent as he went down the passageway and peeked through her cracked door. Seffy lay curled up on her bed, apparently dead to the world. He frowned. Gareth-time must've been a doozy—and hopefully not in a good way if her behavior was any indicator.

  Concern kept him nearby for the rest of the day. There was no point in talking to anyone until the aerated drug was out of everyone's system. He sat down with paper and began taking notes of things he wanted to pursue; Verity, the cat hair, Fenn's knowledge of futuristic treatments...and most of all, how they could get home. Once Fenn had begun his leukemia treatment and had the compound in hand, there should be no reason not to leave this place with Seffy.

  At lunch time, Trent left long enough to come back with roast beef sandwiches, chips and cold sodas. He went into Seffy's room and roused her from sleep. She stared up at him with a tired expression.

  “I brought lunch,” he said, setting the things on her desk. “I've been a bit lax lately about bringing you meals and I'll try to do better to make sure you have fresh stuff.”

  She flung her arm out in the direction of the door. “Someone already brought me food today.”

  Trent got up and looked in the box she indicated. A jumble of cans, all dented and missing labels, was topped by a rusted can opener. He looked at Seffy. “I don't get it. What's this?”

  “Read the note.” Seffy sat up and scooted forward, resting her head on her knees.

  He saw a slip of paper stuck down one side of the box and picked it up. It seems you've developed a taste for canned items, so we've sent up a special selection specifically for you. Trent looked at her. “Who wrote this?”

  “Looks like a woman's handwriting, but since it's not signed, I don't know.”

  “I still don't get it.”

  “Look in the box, Trent. What do you see? Damaged goods.” She pressed her palm to her head and began to cry.

  Trent went to the bed and sat down next to her, patting her shoulder. “Hey, don't let some bitchy note get you down.”

  Seffy shook her head, making an obvious effort to control herself. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Never mind. Thanks for the sandwich and all, but I'd rather be alone for a while.”

  He stood and looked down at her. “Okay. I'll be in my room all day, too, so if you need anything...”

  She nodded without looking up.

  Trent blew out a breath and returned to his room. He decided a chat with Fenn couldn't wait.

  ***

  Seffy regarded her reflection in the mirror. Her drawn appearance disgusted her. She was a weepy idiot and it was time for a change. Maybe the sandwich had refreshed her a little. Maybe she was finally admitting complete defeat with Gareth. Technically, he hadn't told her anything she didn't already know. But for damn certain she wasn't going to get any sympathy playing the part of the pathetic loser.

  She proceeded to curl and style her hair. At least it had body now instead of hanging in lank strips. She put on makeup and picked out a relatively cute outfit to wear. This time when she looked in the mirror, at least it appeared like she'd made an effort. For too long, she'd taken the path of least resistance. Trent was right. Some little bitch wrote a note meant to discourage her, and she needed to buck up and deal. Then when she found who was responsible, she'd slap her silly.

  A knock sounded at her door. Seffy answered it and found Lani on the other side. “Hey! Come in.�
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  Lani's worried blue eyes brightened when she saw the box of cans. “Oh, mystery cans! How fun!”

  “That's one way to look at it, I guess.”

  Lani sighed and collapsed into the chair by the desk. “I don't know what's happening around here, but everything's wonky.”

  Seffy refrained from asking if this was the first time she'd noticed that fact. “What's going on?”

  “Well, for starters, Gareth is surly today. He's been rude, and you know, he's never rude. He snapped at me when I asked for help with Addy.”

  Seffy perched on the edge of the bed. “What's wrong with Addison?”

  Lani frowned. “It's really bizarre and freaky, but last night she started cutting herself.”

  “What?”

  “Seriously, she cut little x's into her arm. When I went to see her this morning, there were bloodstains everywhere and she's sitting there staring at me with a knife like it was no big deal.”

  “God.”

  “So I ran to get Gareth, and he just told me to call medical.”

  “And did you?”

  “Yes, even though Addy didn't want me to.” She shook her head. “A couple of guys—get this—in white coats, escorted her to the clinic for 'observation'. I thought she would've shaken them off, but she calmly went with them.”

  “How bizarre.” Was this the drug side-effect Trent mentioned?

  “I know, right? I hope she's okay.”

  “Sounds like she's getting medical attention. So...how are you feeling?

  “I have a headache.”

  Seffy jumped up. “I have pain pills.”

  Lani wrinkled her nose. “Nah, just something to drink, water, anything would be fine.”

  Opening the mini-fridge, Seffy pulled out the grape soda Trent had brought earlier. “How's this?”

  “Oh, that looks good. Thanks!” She popped the top and took a sip. “You know, as good as this is, I should've had water.”

  “I can get you some.”

  Lani waved her hand. “No, no, I just mean, that I should be seeking clarity right now. This pop is kind of opaque, like my thinking.”

  Seffy returned to the bed, never too surprised at Lani's unique way of looking at things. “Okaay.”